I left Detroit on Sunday, at 5am. I was home at noon, exhausted, and hungover. Possibly coming down with con-crud. During my epic two hour nap, I had the most bizarre dream. I rarely dream – or, rarely remember my dreams – so it made an impression on me. I wrote it down and now, after re-examining it, I realize it’s probably a better recap of my weekend than this video or a list of people it was great to see.
We’re in a New England barnyard, and it’s a fresh spring day. I’m a little surprised that the ground is firm and dry and not sucking at our shoes. Everyone is there, like we were standing in the bar, chatting. Steve Drew and Justin Landon are behind a dutch-door, half-open, passing out drinks. I take one and I’m alarmed to discover it’s buttermilk. Everyone drinks like the buttermilk is not disgusting. Robert Jackson Bennnett starts chasing a piglet around, yelling, “THAT’LL DO PIG,” but not in the way the character uttered that famous line in Babe, but tinged with desperation, like he really wants the piglet to stop running from him. Ferrett Steinmetz is clacking his fingernails on his glass. Sunil Patel is taking notes from Kameron Hurley, like she’s dictating him something and he’s gonna take it down verbatim. Shana DuBois holds a bagel. Scalzi has a group of novelists clustered around like some SF literary vision in Dante’s Paradiso, he the saintly, beatific flower, they the bees. Wes Chu is in an immaculate three-piece suit, and he keeps checking his shoes, worried he’s stepped in something.
A guy I don’t know comes up and starts yelling at Sam Sykes, accusing him of sleeping with his wife. At first Sam looks bemused, but then this firm look crosses his large, genial face, and he opens his mouth impossibly wide and swallows the cuckold-yelling-guy down to his thighs, so that the guys legs are kinda flopping around out of his maw like tusks. Devi Pillai crosses her arms and frowns at Sam. Dongwon laughs nervously.
The dream ends with Gwenda Bond and Delilah Dawson opening a gate – dream logic tells me they’re trying to visit the horses – but instead a giant bull bursts out of it from nowhere and first attacks Sam, whose body has undergone this weird change by ingesting the cuckold. Sam’s become a hairless half-bear thing, pink and muscular. The bull nails Sam in the side with its horns. Sam bellows.
The bull turns, focuses its attention on me, and chases me around a shed. The ground becomes wet and mucky and I can’t run. The bull runs me through with his horns.
So all in all, it was a pretty great convention.